Anyone who stalks my Spotify will have noticed something interesting this past week: I can't get enough of Tragedy.

It's got a fantastic beat, and the percussion is breathtaking, but once I got over these superficial aspects, I noticed its unique lyrics.

The protagonist, who I'll assume is Justin Bryte, effectively warns someone against falling for him because he’s what we affectionately refer to as a fuckboy.

It's not the happiest message or the most hopeful outlook on love, i.e., not my usual go-to, but boy, is that honesty refreshing. I might’ve found my favorite kind of fuckboy—a considerate, mindful fuckboy.

I'm a very literal person. Nine times out of ten, I'll tell it like it is, even if what it is is ugly and paints me in a bad light. (Virtue signallers: “Why doesn’t she tell it like it is 100% of the time?” 😒)

Naively, I want the world to be literal back at me, lakini kwa ground, I’d equate it to how our microwave warms the container and the food’s edges.. basically, everything but the bulk of the food that needed that heat.

And I’m not just talking personal relationships. Why would you keep me in your store for half an hour looking for something you know you don’t have?

Anyway, thank you, Fly By Midnight, for being that rare beacon of self-awareness and candor for people whose minds work like mine. As a token of appreciation, here's $0.5 from all my streams.

Ofisi Ya Mzalia Mudavadi

Those aiming to marry up got a publicized reminder that it's beneficial to have an actual better half.

I’m just picturing Musalia and co. reading my audacity post and going, “That’s cool. Now, on steroids.”

Even more fascinating is the discourse on Twitter and her less-frequented cousin, Reddit. (Did you know there’s a r/Kenya subreddit?)

The average mwananchi is obviously and rightfully vexed, but look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t want to be paid to do essentially nothing. 👀 Thin is the line between corruption and connection.

Birds Might Be Real?

I stumbled upon a fascinating TED talk juzi. In it, two white boys recount how they successfully convinced America that birds weren’t real. They alleged that the government had exterminated every naturally-occurring bird, instating identical spy drones in their place.

What began as a(n innocent) joke evolved into a conspiracy theory with millions of followers. It caught the ears of media houses and reached Twitter's doorstep (what with their pro-bird logo). The movement gained so much traction that I recall hearing about it all these seas away. You might have, too.

Spoiler alert: Birds are real. Four years after its inception, the friends who started the whole thing admitted that they were effectively selling Liverpool’s lead against Madrid.

We could get into why these white boys would even go through all the trouble of spinning this satirical web.

[I keep mentioning their race and gender because you know it’s only white boys who can pull this off. The mastermind even convinced his parents to let him drop out of school to pursue his “belief” that “birdwatching should go both ways.” Try that in an African home; your spirit will soon float amongst your precious avians.]

Also worth considering is how dumb/misinformed/gullible/delusional/distrusting/etc. millions of people must’ve been to fall into the web.

Some may assert that they were in on the joke. Still, when someone avails supporting documentation and video footage and reveals strings connecting seemingly disparate occurrences, it’s only natural to feel like they’re onto something.

That’s a conversation I’m afraid we don’t have time for today because guess what? It gets better.

😱

End days, guys. End days.

From 1959 to 2021, the United States government killed all real birds and replaced them with drones that spy on us,

Kessentials.