🍹Intrusive Thoughts

H: That's got to be the most extended one-month break in history.

L: Had you said one month?

H: Yup.

L: Four months ago.

H: No use bringing los números into it.

L: Some people might not even know what's going on here.

H: Which is fine.

L: Sure.

H: 'Cause I'm good at re-introductions.

L: Right.

H: And they can always check out our catalogue to catch the proverbial drift.

L: Our?

H: Yeah. Didn't you agree to, like, be my partner in this this time?

L: You kinda didn't give me a choice. Such is the plight of "voices in your head."

H: Hey, you'll make the newbies think I'm crazy.

L: So, an accurate introduction, then.

H: I’m sure this will go swimmingly.

L: [chuckles]

H: You know how sometimes in shows and film, but particularly the latter, they spend lots of time and "tape" on exposition?

L: Yeah. We're ambivalent on that last I checked?

H: I mean, yeah, for the most part. Exposition is fine as long as I don't feel like it's being shoved down my throat.

L: Death on the Nile is the last movie we watched where the exposition was excruciatingly excessive.

H: Yeah. It becomes largely inevitable when there's so much info and character(istics) the viewer needs to understand quickly.

L: Uh-huh. Remind me why we're breaking down film techniques again?

H: I wanted the good men and women and they/thems in the audience to get to know you, but, like, surreptitiously so they forget that was my intention.

L: Get to know me? Oh, you flatterer, you.

H: That's not a word.

L: Sheesh, grammar police.

H: It's also unappealing to me when someone's a guest on a podcast, and the host just fucking reads out their whole bio in the intro.

L: I feel like there's some unresolved trauma behind all this dislike for proper introductions.

H: That's the third "introduction" we've used in this post.

L: More evidence of unresolved trauma, folks.

H: Anyway, the audience can see my name on some tab up there, but they don't know who L is, yet. I believe it'd serve them well to. So yeah, tell us a bit about yourself, Lay.

L: Hey, everyone. I'm Layla, one of the many voices that call Hope's head my home. Since there's no Kessentials: The Podcast™ yet, she's recruited me to be her "co-host" on this transcript-only version of what a Kessentials: The Podcast™ might look and feel like. We/she, in our all-knowing glory, thought this might be an interesting way of switching up the template as we gear up for the podcast that's launching in due time. Knowing Hope, "in due time" may be any time from next month to 2026, so I wouldn't stay up waiting for it--

H: We talked about your underhand attempts to discredit me.

L: I think they're smart enough to realize yours isn't credit they can use even on a China Square shopping spree.

H: Okay. Okay. I think that's enough from you for now. Interestingly, you've revealed more about our plans for the newsletter/podcast than you have about yourself.

L: Do you really want me to go there?

H: We could keep the Trevor/Zayn/whatever-Western-male-is-trending-at-the-time fantasies under wraps.

L: But that's where all the good stuff lives.

H: Layla--

L: Fine. So, in Hope's made-up world, she, vicariously through me, is Leonardo DiCaprio's daughter. She acts, sings, turns heads, is fluent in 6 languages (and counting), and pretty much has no flaws except being objectively too perfect.

H: Why Leonardo?

L: It helps that he has no (known) wife or kids, so you have less deconstruction to do to fit him into the fantasy. Plus, he's hot, rich, and famous. Rational selection, methinks.

H: He's also problematic.

L: Comes with being hot, rich, and famous.

H: Are you problematic too, Miss Objectively-Too-Perfect?

L: I'm meant to be your safe, happy place, especially when your real life goes to shit. It'd be counterproductive to give me problems or character flaws to contend with.

H: Just a dab of some easily resolvable rich wigga problems.

L: Yeah. And thanks for sanitizing the n-word for me.

H: Pleasure's mine. Wouldn't want you getting cancelled on your first episode.

L: It might be a good time to let them know I'm also a physically flawless, fit ginger with hazel eyes and all.

H: Everything I'm not.

L: You're too hard on yourself.

H: Now you realize.

L: Why did you choose such rare characteristics?

H: It increases your appeal, I guess. Plus, I bet you look stunning, even if I've never actually seen you.

L: We wish we could draw.

H: We wish we could do many things, but your limitations are just superficial handicaps I use to help you fit in with the mortals inhabiting this vanilla planet we call home.

L: Calculated.

H: Ish. I don't have the most innovative imagination, but you're by far my most elaborate creation.

L: Aww.

H: Cut it out.

L: Fine. So yeah, my life is basically the USS Callister to your Robert Daly.

H: Except this isn't a brilliantly diabolical video game, and I don't have grudges against literally everyone I interact with.

L: Helpful distinctions.

H: I think we've given the people enough to chew on for a sitting.

L: Affirmative.

H: See you next time, folks. Which should be Friday.

L: May the consistency gods find it fitting to visit your abode.

H: Amen.