Eye boogers. The phrase and I were introduced about 3 years ago. Before then, I called them masovi, which is their Kamba equivalent.

Isn’t it fascinating that there are mother-tongue words that withstood colonial whitewashing? Tell me about some of your masovi in the comment section of Kessentials’ first Instagram reel tomorrow. 🙈

Hata Hana Haya

You know how the window seats of bus backseats get—you’re likely to get so squeezed that you feel inclined to suspend part of your arm outside the window for some reprieve.

There I was, the second last one to board this minibus. I took the back right window seat, and some guy we’ll call Dick followed suit, occupying the only remaining one to my left. I immediately disliked Dick because, despite our cramped layout, he found the space to manspread. But quickly, Murphy's law revealed itself.

Realizing he couldn’t enjoy all that legroom while keeping his torso comfy, Dick lifted his right arm onto the seat in front of him such that his armpit was advertising that either he had a terminal body odor problem or he hadn’t interacted with soap or water since ManU last won a trophy.

Ever the peacekeeper, I didn’t address the gag-worthy smells emanating from Dick’s person. I slyly opened my window for some air, considering that if the oncoming traffic severed my head in the process, I’d be freed from the awful situation. It was bad, guys, but it got worse.

After the makanga collected our fares, Dick inflicted the same torture on the lady to his left. Because she didn’t want to pay the 200/- for vomit clean-up, she catapulted onto the next available front seat. He now had two seats and wasn’t afraid to use them

Those seats transformed into his favorite couch; he managed to occupy both and scooch onto mine. Dick then put on his wireless earphones; his music was so loud I kept thinking my phone was ringing. It sounded like a targeted attack because why was he even playing my ringtone?

Dick alighted after an excruciating 20 minutes of my battling vivid intrusive thoughts. But when I finished plotting the best hypothetical ways to teach him a lesson, something totally unexpected took shape in my mind: shamelessness can be a good thing.

According to an internal memo by the most popular computer brand in Kenya (HP, for the trivia nerds), women only apply for jobs when they feel they meet 100% of the requirements. Men just need to believe they meet 60% of them to hit “Apply.“

This disparity has been examined extensively since the memo’s release in 2014. A LinkedIn survey corroborated those findings, adding that women were 26% less likely to ask for references.

Here are some alternatives to the “They’re just too chicken to shoot their shot” narrative, as proposed by Tara Mohr:

1. A belief that the cited requirements are set in stone. Instead, the hiring process is often more flexible than commonly assumed, allowing you to demonstrate your skills in ways beyond having “what they’re looking for.”

2. The age-old fear of failure. 22% of women in Tara’s study revealed they’d rather risk not applying than risk rejection; only 13% of male respondents had this fear. In her article, she explored women’s relationship with that pesky FoF.

3. Rules rule. Girls are taught early on that the rules are king. If they perceive the guideline as “You have to be this tall to get on the ride,” they’re 7% less likely to bother bucking the trend in line with the “instructions.“

Extreme Makeover: Audacity Edition

Reading Tara’s and other interpretations flipped my assumption that women aren’t confident enough about their abilities. We’re just too good at being the peacekeeper who’d prefer being decapitated to telling Dick he stinks to high heaven and is fucking up our journey (respectfully).

What’s really frightening is how far-reaching this attitude can be, how unfulfilling our lives become, and how soft-spoken men, traditionally expected to be bold but not quite getting the memo, suffer ten-fold.

Balance muhimu. I’m not proposing the audacity of the Singaporean Dick who sued someone for friend-zoning him. But I think some positive and informed boldness would quite literally make the world a better place.

You look great with that shame off ;)

Kessentials.